Personal

Listening isn’t enough.


After rescheduling my therapist appointment due to illness and weather multiple times for over a month, I finally went to see her yesterday. Husband went with me after work so that we were able to window shop for his AR and my 9mm before dinner with some friends and enjoy a nice double date. He asked if I wanted him to come into the room with me and I thought why not, I have nothing to hide and nothing I say today he won’t have heard before. It was wonderful. Let me reiterate that, WONDERFUL.

My therapist let him know that coming into the room meant he was a part of it and not just there. We spoke about my original reason for beginning sessions with her, the miscarriages and the medication. We then moved on to my “homework” from the last session and my progress, triggers, stressors, and all of the basics we catch up on each visit. Then my husband joined the conversation. We talked about our arguments that pertain to my anxiety and depression. She had us speak to each other and not her about most topics. It sounded like all the conversations we usually have. We spoke of how he does a large majority of all house work while I am at work during the day. Hubs talked about how he does it because he knows I stress about coming home with a long to do list and he wants to eliminate any of the stress he can for me. Along with that, he pointed out to her, that I tell him that I feel useless sometimes because he does it all. Then I spoke about how much I appreciate that he does it first of all, but more importantly the why behind his actions and why I feel useless. After I was done speaking, my therapist asked me the following questions:

  • Did you hear him say you are useless?

  • Did he say that you don’t do enough?

  • Did he say that you need to do more?

The answer to all of these questions was, “no.” And that was the biggest eye opener yet that she continued to explain to me. I may hear the words he says, but once he’s done speaking them, all I hear in my head is my words. My own demeaning, downgrading, depressing, harassing, harmful, mean words about myself.

This session’s “homework” clearly includes working on receiving and not just listening. And I am not only talking about receiving compliments, but receiving words for their meaning and value instead of receiving them negatively and tainted with self-doubt.

I have enjoyed every session with her so far, but yesterday by far was the most revealing session to date and I am so thankful for it. I owe my husband everything for wanting to go with me yesterday because if he hadn’t, my eyes may not have been opened to that

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